Michael W. Dean's sexy smart podcast, CLONE THE HOMELESS

This podcast is no longer being produced. You can download the 71 wonderful archived episodes below. And also, check out our new podcast:
RADIO FREE NESTLANDIA (The voice of a two-person nation in suburbia)

Clone The Homeless^sm Michael W. Dean's educational podcast that remembers when sex was safe and music was dangerous. .

Michael W. Dean waves goodbye and puts Clone The Homeless to bed for good. And he invites you to enjoy him and his talented wife Debra Jean Dean for their new podcast, RADIO FREE NESTLANDIA!

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean, being of sound mind and body, have a will-signing party. Their friends George Earth, Becky Haycox and Lydia Lam come over and sign as witnesses. Everyone has a great time, nibbling good food, giving each other backrubs, laughing, and chatting. They play with some electrical devices, then talk about personal stories about The Mentors, El Duce, MDC, Franco from MDC, Danny Plotnick, Moterbooty magazine, and Bomb touring with the Flaming Lips.

They talk about Jethro Tull (greatest band ever, sort of), people who don't take care of their kids, why all humor is to stave off fear of death, fun with guns, home security and spy cameras, and they wonder if Kurt Cobain was murdered or offed himself.

Recorded live while the charges are being read in the Senate, transmitted on C-SPAN, before most people knew about it, because most people were busy watching American Idol.

MWD and Skip chat over the Skype-o-net about Skip's experiences living in China, Michael's fun in Los Angeles, marriage, three-way sex, the Olympics, rock and roll, love, sex, Chinese medicine, dealing with anxiety, growing old with punk rock grace, and much much more.

Michael W. Dean and Skip Lunch interview each other. (Part one of two. Part two will be up a week or two.)

Michael W. Dean and Joseph Matheny chat on the phone and there's no way these two talkers could interview one or the other. So they rap together, in a concentric hypertextual parenthetical way, TCP over IP, about how to make money by giving away art, where the Internet is headed, changing views on changing protection of intellectual "property", Joseph Campbell, suing Disney for intellectual property violation, how to self-publish your brilliant books, Tom Jennings, why control of your art is more important than lots of money, how to assemble your own vigilant army of the damned, The Pirate Bay, cease-and-desist letters, the Church of the Subgenius, BoingBoing, the WELL, Creative Commons, sex, cats, art and an incredible amount of more nifty stuff.

Part two will cover the coming collapse of the infrastructure of the world, why Catholics are killing the world with overpopulation, and why both of these guys just wanna do the judo master thing and step out of the world's way, while still running it all from their rural bunkers.

Our friend Kitty comes down from Santa Barbara. She goes to Home Depot (a.k.a. "Perverts' Paradise") with me and the wife. We shop for lots of cool stuff and chat about how nifty it all is. We also explain what "pervertibles" are.

There's no right or wrong way to direct, it's a matter of choice and intuition. But in the first installment of this twelve-part series, MWD and wife have a tape recorder running in the room as they direct voiceover actress Estrus Godspeed in playing a number of sexy characters for an upcoming cat cartoon Podiobook of "Plump Buffet".

"50 women aren't 50 times the fun, they're 50 times the hassle. And one of them always feels like killing you."
and
"The Plump Buffet is "Fritz the Cat" meets "Showdown at Waco".)

Fire up your pod, sit back and enjoy being a fly on the wall (or a kitty in the corner) as this husband and wife enjoy telling some cute girl what to do, all night long, baby.

(Ignore the slight background noise, I forgot to turn the H2 settings to high, so had to boost a lot in post. The stuff we recorded directly to the computer sounds GREAT, as you'll see when the actual Podoibook comes out. But this is a perfectly listenable document for learning.)

"50 women aren't 50 times the fun, they're 50 times the hassle. And one of them always feels like killing you."
and
"The Plump Buffet is "Fritz the Cat" meets "Showdown at Waco".)

Fire up your pod, sit back and enjoy being a fly on the wall (or a kitty in the corner) as this husband and wife enjoy telling some cute girl what to do, all night long, baby.

"50 women aren't 50 times the fun, they're 50 times the hassle. And one of them always feels like killing you."
and
"The Plump Buffet is "Fritz the Cat" meets "Showdown at Waco".)

Fire up your pod, sit back and enjoy being a fly on the wall (or a kitty in the corner) as this husband and wife enjoy telling some cute girl what to do, all night long, baby.

(Small excerpts of these were used in the O'Reilly podcast report I did, but these are the whole, brilliant, uncut chats.)

Most humans should be ground into cat food. (A very special holiday episode of Clone The Homeless!)

The Deans go out shopping for studio soundproofing materials, two days before Christmas, and decide that all humans who buy into the holidays and aren't useful for manual slave labor or pleasuring the king should be ground into cat food. Then they talk about turning your cat into a tribble, in a way that the cat doesn't mind.

They talk about how to prevent identity theft, Ogling the asses of MILFs and GILFs at the mall (in front of your wife, much to her amusement), fashion tips for suburban slobs, misanthropy at the mall, Hugh Hefner's bitches, genesis of Colbert and The Daily Show, mall punks, "It's whore-ible!", pervertibles, how Christmas contributes to global warming, soundproofing your home studio, and protecting the nest.

Interview with me starts at 11 minutes 40 seconds. (Though there's some great stuff before that.)

From the excellent MediaGeek podcast (which is also rebroadcast on a lot of radio stations.)

Was done as a "double-ender" podcast, that is, we each recorded our own end of the conversation only, then I FTPed my file to him and he sewed it together. Makes it sound great, like we're both in the same room, even though we were thousands of miles away.

We spoke on Skype, but I didn't record with my computer. I used the Zoom H2, and just set it on the table and I sat on the floor. (To get away from the sound of the computer fan.)

Michael W. Dean visits with his dear old friend Jeff Ramon in Phoenix. They talk about the early days of Bomb, seeing Bomb open for horrible metal band 'Flotsom and Jetsam' in Chicago, and people wanting to kill Bomb, people (including Jefff) stealing Bomb records, Jeff seeing Bomb play with Toxic Reasons in Palatine Illinois in 1988, Michael and the crazy stuff he did on tour, Jay Crawford trying to warn young Jeff about how being a Bomb might ruin his life, Tony being "the band Hitler", some amusing Bad Brains stories, GE Smith, how to get Spin Magazine to write about your band at an empty show, why you shouldn't beg for an encore.....and how it all worked out in the end for Jeff and for Michael.

Interview with Tee Morris and Matthew Wayne Selznick, recorded in the Dean's hotel room at the 2007 pod expo.
Matt and Tee talk about Podiobooks, "Brave Men Run", "Podcasting for Dummies", iTunes, Creative Commons, and the future of new media.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean have a chat with our special little friend, Becky Haycox. (Part 4 of 4)

Why Becky enjoys the lusty pleasures of life, why gelato is almost as good as sex, if live alone and die and have cats - they will eat you, why we like saying "Yessssssssss", "Jill had touched the chick", why women like gay porn, Judith Krantz, why everything should be digital, all about the "Urban Food Log group".

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean have a chat with podcasting OGs ("original geeks") Stephen Eley and Evo Terra.

These two cats were two of the first ever people podcasting, and they are (young) elder statesman of the craft. Stephen Eley runs extremely popular sci-fi audiobook podcast, Escape Pod. Evo Terra co-wrote Podcasting For Dummies, and runs the extremely popular audio book podcast Podiobooks.com.

(Small excerpts of these were used in the O'Reilly podcast report I did, but these are the whole, brilliant, uncut chats.)

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean have a chat with our special little friend, Becky Haycox. (Part 3 of 4)

Checking out womens' racks over your wife's shoulder, sexism, ominsexual people, San Francisco, how to deal with your boyfriend working at a strip club, feminist strippers, couples who like the same pornography, taking your girlfriend on a date to see the strippers, why women like romance in their sex, other ways that women different from men, why these chicks hate male bashing, sleeping with more than one person without being a slut, how to get rid of a panhandler, why there's no such thing as spare change, seeing the Sex Pistols in San Antonio on January 8, 1978 at Randy's Rodeo, Pink Floyd never murdered anyone, Syd Barrett rocks, and how to freak out the youth of today.

Interview with DAVE BOCK and KIRSTEN BOCK OF BOCK AUDIO. Recorded on Bock microphones in the living room of Dave and Kirsten Bock.

Bock Microphones are becoming a name that people expect to see in the highest-end recording studios in the World.

Topics:
Dave Jerden, Bill Laswell, rock music click pads on bass drums, MDC, Alice in Chains sounds like Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young singing over Black Sabbath, why David Bock and Michael Dean started playing guitar, 1973 Gibson Les Paul signature hollow body guitars, giving the gift of prog rock, Dave Bock's awesome surround sound McIntosh tube-powered home stereo, Esoteric Audio, Dave Bock on the history of Bock microphones. Kirsten Bock and Dave Bock expound on how the first Bomb record got made at Hyde Street Studios. She talks about The Farm, The Chatterbox, Michael Urbano, Dave Immergluck, Dan Schwartz, John Hyatt, Bill Laswell, Michael Beinhorn, Liquid Jesus, the power of mixing in mono, how to play power pool. They talk about what's on Dave's iPod, close micing jazz music, Barre Phillips, George Massenburg, Hit Factory,

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean have a chat with our new little friend, Becky Haycox. (Part 2 of 4.)

Sexy sailors, polyamory with guys who look great in a skirt, drugs of the nasal variety, Kathy Griffin and the Catholic Church, meth-takin' bike-ridin' Christians, pinking up, Danny Plotnick, getting clean vs. dying, traveling Europe with your film, Miles Montalbano, commemorative tattoos for dead relatives, kinderwhore punklettes, dealing with a death in the family, make love not war, The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, "Pants a gangsta day",

Becky 3, coming later: How great BOMB was, feminists - strippers and damaged goods, boobies over the shoulder, girls who love porn, male-bashing by women does not undo sexism from men, how to deal with panhandlers, seeing the Sex Pistols in San Antonio, how public access works and why it exists, how to find the dirty part of any book, Judith Krantz.

Interview with DAVE BOCK OF BOCK AUDIO, recorded on Bock microphones. Recorded in the living room of Dave and Kirsten Bock.

Bock Microphones are becoming a name that people expect to see in the highest-end recording studios in the World.

Dave Bock and Michael W. Dean yack, on two Bock microphones, about recording the Bomb first demo, recording the Bomb "To Elvis In Hell" record, 16-track two inch tape, Helios consoles, Trident consoles, Hyde Street Studios, iso rooms, PSW forum, Gear Sluts, Gear Slutz, Roy Thomas Baker, how to get a great guitar sound, Don't Fear The Reaper, More Cowbell, Helios Creed, Sandy Pearlman on Bomb, the Chatterbox, reduced by Bill Laswell vs, Bill Laswell Ted Tepleman, Re-20 mics, Bock microphones, Bock audio, the mic that Garrison Keillor uses, the history of shock mounts, the history of pop filters, RCA, film booms, U-47s, U-49s, Frank Church, the history of microphones, the book "Recording the Beatles", how to do great basic tracking, Wally Heider, Al Schmidt, Jefferson Airplane, Santana, Hendrix, Flipper, Dead Kennedys, Michael Ward, recording over the Internet, and the history of Bock Audio.

Michael W. Dean answers interview questions over the Internet with Christian Holmes. Christian runs www.criticalmassmedia.tv and is a $30 Film School fan. He's a cool guy, and is helping Michael get Stink Fight Radio on TV shown in Hawaii.

Debra Jean Dean asks Michael the questions that Christian sent. Michael records it, edits, adds in Christian's intros and outros, and uploads both here and to Christian for his Critical Mass Media podcast.

Questions: In your blog post "How to Work in Web 2.0" you mention a sleeping habit of waking up at 2 PM in the afternoon and falling asleep at 6 AM the next morning. Is this your true sleeping pattern? If so, what are your reasons or the benefits of having it?
According to Amazon.com, your book "$30 Film School" was written in 2003. What kind of feedback have you received? What seems to be your default demographic?
Your book focuses on Low and No-budget video productions. It features many useful tips and tricks from the weekend video-hobbiest or DIY diehard. Where is the main source for your insights (are they things you learned or taught yourself along the way, are they primarily tricks that were passed down to you from a teacher or mentor?)
Your current blog as I understand it to be is StinkFight.com, where did the name "Stink Fight" come from?
Many new digital media producers turn to blogging (and/or podcasting), what are the rewards or benefits you have found to blogging as an independent artist?
You have written other books besides "$30 Film School" (as a quick author search will tell you), have any of your other books met or exceeded the success of "$30 Film School"?
As your blog states, you were just recently hired at the O'Reilly network! What will this position entail and how will this new exciting job change your lifestyle as it has been recently?
What was (before O'Reilly) your main source of income?
Have you ever experimented with streaming live media online? If so, did you enjoy live-online streaming as a medium?
Obviously, readers should read your book for a copious amount of tips, tricks, and workflows for video production. What singular piece of advice would you offer to a producer just starting out in digital media production?
What is the source of the inspiration behind your art?

And some stuff about SEO, blogs, O'Reilly, how Google may end up running the world, tips for artists who want to make a living at art, and why you shouldn't always follow your dream.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean have a chat with our new little friend, Becky Haycox. (Part 1 of 4.)

They all drive around Ventura, California, go have dinner together, talk about the redneck hipsters they see, hipster street homeless junkies, art, the Men's Movement, the H2 digital recorder, how to get writing jobs in Web 2.0, O'Reilly publishing, Danny Plotnick, Thai Coffee, Crackheads in famous bands, mother/daughter boob flashing, and more.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean go out for their evening walk and entire episode recorded on the Zoom H2 portable handy recorder. They record h2 audio examples. They talk about dealing with being sad. They talk about strange Mariachi infomercials, heroin rock, and the ONE guy in the world who's ever gotten laid by playing the accordion. We also learn about Stink Fight - Radio on TV. And also how you can be a producer for this wonderful Michael W. Dean television project. Then we hear the lost Baby Opaque song, "Decisions."

Michael W. Dean talks with George Earth about Art Bell, "radio voice" sound, RE-20 microphones, microphone technique, being mean, neighbors who have lame parties, the Simspons movie, the South Park movie, the Beavis and Butthead movie, MORE on the ART MP tube preamp, limiters, the Levelator, how to live in Germany, what's cool about Berlin, Michael W. Dean's new comic, George Earth's new comic, Hans Zimmer, Michael's upcoming book: $30 Life School, what George learned from $30 Film School.

Skip Lunch (China) and Michael W. Dean (California) talk via Skype and Michael tells Skip about the discography and history of Michael's band, Bomb. (Note, Skype Skip calls are guaranteed to get better sounding after this episode. We've got a PLAN!)

Skip Lunch (China) and Michael W. Dean (California) talk via Skype and contemplate how this ancient koan is working in their own lives:

Bart: "So, what's it like being famous, dad?"
Homer: "People know your name, but you don't know theirs. It's great."

Then Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean chat about stuff, and then we hear a Baby Opaque song called "I Feel Apart."

>------------>(episode 0044b removed because the audio quality was so bad, it made my eyes hurt. Was an interview I'd done for another podcast ove the phone.)

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk with Alicia Dattner (a.k.a. "The gal in the intro of D.I.Y. OR DIE: How To Survive as an Independent Artist putting up the posters for the opening credits.") They talk about spiritual comedy a.k.a. conscious comedy, a.k.a. positive comedy a.k.a. human comedy. Alicia has been performing with Amy Stiller and Vanda Mikoloski. Alicia talks with MWD and DJD about Emissaries of Divine Light, Lisa Lampanelli, the majesty of Maria Bamford. They talk about robot comedy, Futurama, cults, open-s0urce spirituality, Freegans, Black Books, spiritual agnostics, Lenny Bruce, Amy Sedaris. Dattner tells the great story of how she met Michael W. Dean....how he told her all the bullshit he claimed he was going to do, and how he later actually did it all. They talk about how searching "Michael W. Dean" on Google produces 45,000 hits, and more each week, and how to set up your home recording studio, cheap.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk about the plans for the creation of THE DEAN INSTITUTE. Then they go to Ikea, where Michael jokes about how he wants to kill 9/10 of humanity and enslave the rest.

Bonobo love, taking Anna Nicole pills and snake oil, caffeine for fun and profit, Google gadgets, George Bernard Shaw, two great songs by MWD's old band, The Beef People (including a bitchin' cover of "Fire" by Jimi Hendrix), that new carcinogen smell, narcotics and migraines, Rock Med, Sicko, why Michael Moore is a goofball and why we like him anyway, anal sex on demerol, Man and Superman, and how to settle disputes with strangers by having sex.

(Michael W. Dean started using the ElectroVoice RE-20 Mic on June 15, 2007. DJ is still using the MXLV63. They sound good together...like a Les Paul with a Stratocaster.. The RE-20 is the microphone that DJ says is "ribbed for her pleasure." Mic was 400 bucks, Shock mount was 100 bucks. 500 bucks...a lot, but worth it. It's that "creamy NPR sound.")

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk to their friend Skip Lunch in China. They talk about crepuscular vs. diurnal vs. nocturnal behavior.....And how heroin cures bad vision, real life plastic surgery disasters, why rock and roll was killed by the CD, how cleaning pot on gatefold album covers rocks, why fur children are better than skin pets, how to keep your wife from wanting kids, lesbian Christians, how to live in China while making your money from the West (via the Internet), retiring cheap to Asia and living like a king, and how "The world is going to hell my dear, and I wish to step out of its way"...and OTHER QUOTES FROM MICHAEL W. DEAN.

Interview with Noah Harald: Part two in a two-part series, "Interviews with guys who, if it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't be a filmmaker."

Noah Harald is a great guy, and a great filmmaker. He wrote/directed/shot/edited the first digital feature I ever saw (in 1998.) He was the first person to sit down and teach me non-linear video editing (in 1999.) He was the editor on and helped write that horrible Tara Reid reality show ("Taradise") on E!> but that was just a day job, don't hold it against him. He makes great films on his own. He's also up for an MTV movie award this week.

Noah Harald and Michael W. Dean talk about: the reality TV'ing of the World, All you need to know is about software is File, Open, Edit, Save…The aborted attempt to film "Starving in the Company of Beautiful Women", Noah's available, Ladies!….."The Fountain" by Aronofsky: Transcendent or not?….Fight Club stands the test of time, How a coffee table art book of nudes helped make Michael an artist…High concept v. low concept; high art v. low art…Office Space: "a really smart movie in a dumb skin"…Idiocracy…YouTube is the Ouch! My Balls of our time…. viral marketing.. Henry Hill…Recording the rest of your life for the bargain price of $50,000…If you're not on MySpace, do you really exist…Contests and reality TV - killing yourself if you lose…Tara Reid's Taradise - "the Citizen Kane of late night trashy television" and how editing can make any moron look good….Great income v. fulfillment - how to be happy living next to Hollywood…Studio lots aren't magic - they're just like working in a bank, but with better lighting….The dirty little secrets of networking in Hollywood….Los Angeles Film School v. AFI…The agony of low budget film making…Why audio recordings will outlast video..The actuality and practicalities of creation of art v. administration of art…Finding "the story"…MTV Movie Awards - "Texas Chainsaw Massacre - the Rehab"….rehab - the excuse for everything celebrities do wrong…."On the Lot" - continuing the debacle begun by Project Greenlight - it's not moviemaking, it's marketing, Malibu and PCH's "Drunk Drivers Call 911", and much much more.

Interview with Danny Plotnick: Part one in a two-part series, "Interviews with guys who, if it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't be a filmmaker."
72 minutes.

Michael W. Dean yacks (via Skype) with Danny Plotnick (a guy who helped make MWD the successful film mogul he is today.) They talk about Danny's podcast, Nest of Vipers, Super-8 filmmaking, 16 mm filmmaking, directing your wife making out with the neighbors, Cal Arts, Nicole Panter, "Escape From New York", why Robert Fripp is a weenie as well as a genius, how microphone technology hasn't changed in 70 years, four-walling your film, heroin, San Francisco, The Mission, 19th and Capp, The Uptown, the House Of Low Self-Esteem, how the Rand Corporation is affecting Michael W. Dean's bootleg satellites transmitting these podcasts into Cuba and China, selling your soul in a buyer's market, Melinda Stone, "Swinger's Serenade", Ray Wilcox, "Steel Belted Romeos", Miles Montalbano is cool as hell, "Revolution Summer", Sarah Jacobson, Craig Baldwin, Film Arts Foundation, Sister Double Happiness, how "D.I.Y. OR DIE: How To Survive as an Independent Artist" really got made, film tour projection horror stories, people who demand more credit than they deserve in your films, Nardwuar is annoying, The Blinding Light Cinema, (RIP), Alfre Woodard, Sundance, Ann Arbor Film Festival, Motorbooty Magazine, Lost Film Festival, getting slammed by the Slamdance Film Festival, parasite film festivals, Thrasher magazine doesn't pay their debts.....and nothing about Prussian Blue.

DJ reads the article "Cat" for Spoken Wikipedia. Engineered and edited by Michael W. Dean. Editing help on first third via Internet, by Bruce of Canada.
75-meg MP3 file.
80 minutes long.

5/18/07 Clone The Coffee. Two Michael W. Dean interviews on NPR: WCPN in Cleveland, Ohio...And KUAF in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean sit in the back yard and discuss Bob Marley's dying words, Michael W. Dean knowing Michael W. Dean would be a star from a very young age, why neighbors suck, PodCamp SoCal, (the) unconferences, anarchy rules, why Tim O'Reilly's Foo Camp didn't invite me and why I don't care, The Podcast and New Media Expo, drinking near-beer by mistake, what's wrong with the how the Mobile Entertainment Summit is charging some speakers to speak, why we love the Dandy Warhols, why we love Homer Simpson, OJ Simpson plays the race card rather than just admitting what he did, why I have Jessica Simpson's cat, what our new kitties think of that cat, Brian Seltzer's fluffer, how cats are the sluttiest members of the animal world, why gatekeepers can be good, pay to play vs, punk rock integrity, the power of one person talking to another, why it doesn't matter if your audience is one person or one-hundred thousand, what sucks about YouTube, how Michael W. Dean's great-grandfather invented the cattle chute, and why MWD doesn't ALWAYS endorse copyleft and Creative Commons. Then our new kitties purr. A lot!

They also talk about war stories, train surfing, commies outside the door, the band "Anal Cunt", how to become a published writer, rock and roll, girls, cars, cats, Acid, first computers, Tweek City, Ginger Coyote, Livin' in the Mission, going on strike, Beanweevils, The Black Furies, guns & Jello, avoiding idiots on airplanes, and then we hear two bitchin' songs from Cliff. (Including "Murder City Shakedown", with Cliff singing his ass off.)

"Clone the Coffee!" The episode where we finally tell you the secret to life. ALSO: THE DREADED STRIPPER SHOE!

"Clone the Coffee!" We talk about how our podcast is always with you to comfort you and guide you. Then I feed her a spoonful of lovin'.

Why what Don Imus said isn't shocking, why eating Irish babies is fun, screenwriting in the Midwest, why Los Angeles is a great place for Michael W. Dean to be an artist.

Then Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean wake up and sit in the yard and spend Easter talking about: annoying kids, Garp, The world according to David Sedaris, The Sopranos, Annette Benning and Lydia Lunch, pot smoke and X-Box, why women wear tight jeans, eating bugs with your coffee, Jim Morrison, why Michael W. Dean does not impress people in the first minute they meet him, The Sopranos versus The Shield, how tech gear catalogs are Daddyporn, what's your neighbor's house worth?, why we need three laptops, what the slave gurls need to bring along to join up - including $300 in burial funds, 4:20, dude, small town cops and responsiveness, strange adventures with homeless folk, guns, helicopters and cops in Echo Park, booty calls versus going home, why Tony Soprano should get away with his Russian hookers, and Debra Jean's future job opportunities with CultCo.

"Clone the Coffee!" Dollie Llama reads the Wikipedia entry for "BDSM", as part of the "Spoken Wikipedia" project for the blind. (And for people who like audio books!)

OUR FIRST CONTEST: WE GIVE AWAY a Behringer MINICOM COM800 audio compressor! (Contest ends Sat, April 7, 2007 at noon, Pacific Daylight Time. And yes, we pay the shipping.)

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk about Grammar Girl, the stupidity of nationalism, writing the way people talk, The Sopranos, fan mail, egomania vs. a sense of purpose, sexy interns, guilt vs. fear, why we hate Girl Scouts and door-to-door solicitors, putting our casts on Bittorrent, what makes a good podcast, and the new version of Skype. Also, we play a Michael W. Dean song called "Roach Girl."

Michael W. Dean talks to Debra Jean Dean and contemplates his mortality, talks about his need for more slaves to run his media empire from the bedroom, then thanks her for learning podcast engineering.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk about pet food poisoning, fake movie credits, the song "Ode To A Cat", and that indescribable thing that some people have...that ability to transmit god simply by speaking to another person, even if both people are agnostics. Then MWD and DJD Skype Skip Lunch in China and talk about vegetarians who freebase cocaine, guinea pigs as food, How to be a middle-aged punker and go to China and marry a very cool gal half your age, how Hans Fenger (of The Langley Schools Music Project) came to be in Skip's new band, the Clamps, DJD falls asleep while podcasting (she had a long day), inspiration vs. perspiration, freeing Tibet for the Chinese everyman, the "Godmen" and why we ain't into it, Skip Lunch complains a little because MWD doesn't pay enough attention to him while interviewing him, and this leads into how it is very possible to be both angry and spiritual.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk about hedgehogs, why having black teeth is cool ("The Black Teeth Manifesto"), Why Michael W. Dean is just as cool as Quentin Tarintino, George Lucas, Robert Rodriguez, Steven Spielberg, Peter Jackson, Kevin Smith, Tim Burton, and...um....Vin Diesel, more on why Michael W. Dean's constituency is all 17-year-old males, how to start your own unholy army of the damned who will sleep in bunk beds in your basement and do your bidding, how to get signed to Warner Brothers even if you can't sing, and why most humans are destined to only be blank food tubes and never do anything as cool as what we do.

"John Wayne Was A Nazi" by MDC, "Hedgehog Goth Song" by Michael W. Dean. (Hedgehog song is at end, not beginning.)
Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk about fan mail, stupid teachers, stupid people knocking on our door, starting your own podcast, the Witches of Des Moines, women with no vaginas, and more.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean go on a nice, normal suburban couple date to the mall, make fun of humans, then come home and sit in the front yard and talk about sex throughout the ages.

A great Michael W. Dean song called "Cut Yourself For Jesus." Also,...Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk about Disposable Teens, home recording tips, Why I don't like the MPAA, how I don't name drop, me and the wife's office of the future, bait cars, the TV show "Cops", the Darwin Awards, how to play a gold record, "Hubert Selby Jr: It/ll Be Better Tomorrow", how my band Bomb started…the Nirvana / Soundgarden / Pearl Jam show and anal fun, being drunk in public and Steal This Book.

(Part 4 of 20 in Michael's "My life story and experiences with the music world.")

Contract law for independent artists (at least for me), droit moral (moral rights), Steve Albini's "The Problem With Music", how major labels have been known to deal with bands, why my band may have gotten kicked off of Warner Brothers, learning to "play the game" while maintaining your integrity, why attorneys exist, my experiences with Ted Templeman, Bill Laswell and Nicky Scopelitis, Negativeland and copyright law, how to make love four times a day, my first-hand impressions of the Dead Kennedys' trial, Bukowski on women (and me on cats), volunteer work I did for the SPCA, Oliver Arms on commitment to art, why Lloyd Kaufman rocks, Kraftwerk, my experience with Blue Oyster Cult, recording the first Bomb record - and paying the engineer in speed and the producer in sex, sex on speed, my mental menstrual cycle, how the crush I had on my grade school music teacher helped me become a rock star, how I lost my record deal and "Hit the city and I lost my band", and then how I resurrected myself as a filmmaker, writer and full-time podcaster.

(Part 3 of 20 in Michael's "My experiences with the music world --and my life story-- recorded for some gal in Australia's term paper.")

Civil servant and member of the "Happy Flowers" Charlie Kramer talks with Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean about: Ted Nugent's racist remarks, Marilyn Manson for first lady, why Bill Clinton is a stud, the Pink Floyd song formula, stadium cover bands, how playing in any cover band is like having sex with a stranger in a public bathroom, how working for the government is like the movie "Office Space", why gas prices have gone up, where Hollywood films really get filmed, why you shoudn't "drink or shoot the bleach", and what happens if you drink the bleach. Also, "Baby Dragon", a great metal/dance tune by a three-year-old singer, and Bomb (from "Hate Fed Love") doing "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen.

(Part 4 of 4 of conversation between Charlie Kramer and Michael W. Dean.) (Recorded via Skype with Pamela utility.)

Stealing "Steal This Book" from someone who stole it from someone else, almost getting kicked out of grade school, getting kicked out of high school, my friends' milf moms who slept with truckers, the first girl I felt up, how the show "Cops" keeps me sober, getting molested by the babysitter, global warming, the history of parental advisory stickers on music, how to have as much sex as you'd like with as many women as possible until the world ends, skinpets vs. fur children, being raised by hot chicks, how Nirvana were fans of my band, why "American Idol" is everything that's wrong with America, methadone and Lindsay Lohan, Touch and Go Records, Grace Slick and Frank Zappa, smoking pot, Michael Bacon, and MWD's advice for people just starting out in the music business.

(Part 2of 20 in Michael's "My experiences with the music world --and my life story-- recorded for some gal in Australia's term paper.")

Civil servant and member of the "Happy Flowers" Charlie Kramer talks with Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean about: insanity in the rich vs. insanity in the poor, AC-DC, punk accontants, the iRiver recorder, early Black Flag, Black Flag reunion, Gone, Happy Flowers, Dr. Know, religious wars, why suing people isn't a good idea, how to get a restraining order, why MWD left San Francisco, Memento, Fight Club, how it gets decided which movies get produced, Cape Fear, old lady porn, social security as a bad bet, suggesting home invasions for your best friends, Maria Bamford vs. Hall and Oats, how to pick the perfect mate, why Margaret Cho rocks so hard.

(Part 3 of 4 of conversation between Charlie Kramer and Michael W. Dean.) (Recorded via Skype with Pamela utility.)

Civil servant and member of the "Happy Flowers" Charlie Kramer and Michael W. Dean talk about getting friends of friends to back your new business plans, how all MWD's old friends are all either captains of industry or homeless drug addicts (without much in between), how to have beautiful women hanging off of you constantly, straight edge vs. gay, Lackie Die were the Led Zeppelin of punk, why "song remains the same" doesn't really rock, the Circle Jerks & gay Irish pubs, DIY postering (and pestering) for rock shows, Scream, Dave Grohl, Skeeter the cat, Kent Stax, Dain Bramage, Fabulous Freak Brothers, getting arrested for drunk in public, the Simpsons, Family Guy, Metalocalypse, American Dad, Futurama, and Ted Bundy vs. Al Bundy.

(Part 2 of 4 of conversation between Charlie Kramer and Michael W. Dean.) (Recorded via Skype with Pamela utility.)

A detailed and emotional review of the movie "Pink Floyd's The Wall." Debra Jean and I watched it last night, felt emotionally raped after, and share about it here. Why it's Michael W. Dean's favorite movie, how it got him out of his home town, and how it helped make him the man he is today.

Michael W. Dean answers a fan e-mail from a gal in Australia named Tessla who is working on a school term paper...She asks Michael about the music industry. Michael responds by speaking because he's sick of typing.

Michael starts at age five and works up to age 18. We hear a Bomb song (produced by Bill Laswell, when Bomb was on Warner Brothers) called "There is no Promise of a Future in the Moment." Debra Jean Dean plays the Robyn to Michael's Howard as Michael talks about his cat, $30 Music School, $30 Film School, $30 Writing School, and how writing runs in his family (sort of.) They talk about the connection between masturbation and the desire to be a musician, why MWD became a musician, "A Modest Proposal", Nirvana's "Incesticide", punkers on Geraldo, Nazi Punks Fuck Off, why Michael left Upstate NY (after leaving the same high school and attending the same college with Natalie Merchant), why we don't like "Classmates.com", the Rotary club, why we hate Windows Vista, selling your soul in a buyer's market, pawning your soul, how to sleep with any woman you can make laugh, how Mick Jagger and John Lennon got Michael kicked out of school, Led Zeppelin, how "the Partridge Family" and "Dudley Doright" made Michael the punk rocker he is today, baby hedgehogs, Dr. Jonathan Green, and how this all has something to do with Michael playing music.

(Part 1 of 20 in Michael's "My experiences with the music world --and my life story-- recorded for some gal in Australia's term paper.")

Short voiceover resume reel for my wife, Debra Jean Dean:

"No zany voices. No impersonations. Just pure sex, even if you're selling bibles."

Civil servant and member of the "Happy Flowers" Charlie Kramer and Michael W. Dean talk about crackheads near the Pentagon, Project Carnivore, post-9/11 life, Bomb's "Hits of Acid", Bauhaus, how computers destroy writing, why businessmen can't write, Suicidal Tendencies, Cornell University's high suicide rate, Van Halen vs. the "poor man's speedball", looping dirty words for fun and profit, stalkers, lingerie, and life in the suburbs for old punk rockers. (Part 1 of 4 of conversation between Charlie Kramer and Michael W. Dean.) (Recorded via Skype with Pamela utility.)

Mpeg video file of civil servant Charlie Kramer playing bad rock in a bad bar with a bad band while wearing splendid headgear.

Michael W. Dean and Debra Jean Dean talk about one of them being really manic while the other is really sleepy. They talk about making a million dollars in voiceover, people who view women as bath towels and drugs as candy. How to quit your day job....They talk about buying new housewares, manic depression vs. manic crankiness. Also, a very good Bomb song called "There Is No Promise Of A Future In The Moment."

Michael W. Dean reads a fan letter from a really smart guy named Alex, then MWD opines on the state of being exactly halfway through his life, and loving what he sees ahead. Also, we hear a Bomb song called "Goodbye Baby."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>CLONE THE HOMELESS THREE-MONTH ANNIVERSARY ONE-HOUR PODCAST EXTRAVAGANZA ! <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael W. Dean talks with four of his favorite guys on the planet Earth!

George Earth and Michael W. Dean:
Star sightings in Los Angeles, John C. Riley, getting drunk with Kiefer Sutherland, meeting Weird Al Yankovic. They talk about directing Robert Downey. They talk about Rich Stim and Nolo Press, Angel Corpus Christi, accordion rock, Drew Carey. Bands we dig, and why: MX-80 Sound, MK Ultra, James Brown, Black Sabbath, Spinal Tap and Pink Floyd.

Simon Clifton and Michael W. Dean:
Living in London (the city, not the guy), Jewish catholic school boys and priests, dual citizenship, DIY or DIE, Rock 'n' Roll in former East Germany, World War Two, Brixton, The Home Shopping Network, fisting, why we like Bill Clinton, Why we don't like Fox News, becoming less of a liberal, and why the UK feels like the red-headed stepchild of the world stage.

London May and Michael W. Dean:
London May gets REAL, drops the walls, and talks about what really matters in life (hint: it ain't playing in a popular band.)

Skip Lunch and Michael W. Dean:
Dropping old friends, being a people person who doesn't like most people. Skip tells a story about Michael Dean pissing off 10,000 Maniacs' guitarist John Lombardo, Skip giving LSD to Michael at Michael's first-ever punk gig in 1982, and Michael figuring out the secret to the universe on the spot . They talk about fake star profiles on MySpace, why Mike Watt is cool, how Iggy Pop answers his fan mail, Kronos Quartet, Lung Leg, and how media now consists of friends gossiping on a global level. Rush, and AC/DC vs J.S. Bach.

A cool Bomb song called "Made to Fire", then Michael W. Dean and London May (drummer from Samhain, The Foul And The Fragrant, Tiger Army, Dag Nasty, Reptile House, The Hunns), talk about DRI (Dirty Rotten Imbeciles), Rudimentary Peni, playing to a click track, looping tracks in the studio, recording over the Internet, jet lag. (Part 3 of 4 of talk with London.)

--George Earth (guitarist from Switchblade Symphony, World Entertainment War and Candymachine) and Michael W. Dean talk about Turkey, Iraq, being Nick Cave in Greece, origins of Goth rock and "gothic", Morrissey, being 5150ed, suicide attempts, Virginia, Martha Burns, Siva Dancing, Polk Street, scoring dope for Porno For Pyros, Switchblade Symphony, The Shield, Echo Park, (Part 3 of 4 of talk with George.)

--Professor Michael Bérubé talks with Michael W. Dean. The two Michaels discuss the difference between Internet weenies and Internet bullies, why focusing on individual issues make more sense than blindly backing specific political parties, and why the Green Party is perhaps a "toy" party. They wonder why anarchists don't go have beers after work with conservatives, and discuss how MySpace is "grade school with advertising" and why blogspats are 'junior high with hyperlinks.'" Berube and Dean pontificate on what's wrong with eugenics, what's right with rock and roll, why Berube walked away from his blog that was getting 9000 visitors a day, and how to fix everything that's wrong with the world in three easy steps. (And how the world may end up being run by super-intelligent giraffes with shark fins anyway.)

and London May (drummer from Samhain, The Foul And The Fragrant, Tiger Army, Dag Nasty, Reptile House, The Hunns), talk about cheap cassette recorders vs. fancy digital recorders, iRiver recorders, Giant Squid microphones, Pro Tools, Mac vs. PC, e-mail addiction, "just how DID people live without computers?", Hubert Selby Jr and Jack Kerouac, the importance of outlines, American Hardcore (comments by two guys who were there) "Banned in DC", "Dance of Days", why Ian MacKaye is deified, Straight Edge vs. Darby Crash, Straight Edge vs. Timothy Leary. (Part 2 of 3 of talk with London.) Also, a rare recording of a live song from The Foul And The Fragrant. (recorded in Australia.) (Part 2 of 4 of talk with London.)

--George Earth (guitarist from Switchblade Symphony, World Entertainment War and Candymachine) and Michael W. Dean talk about The Movie Trailer Guy, analog metaphors for digital realms, QWERTY vs. DVORAK, carpel tunnel fun, Bomb flyers vs. the flyer nazis, how major labels rip off bands, meritocracy, telecommuting for fun and profit, workaholism, "Asian" vs. "Oriental", mailing a bong to your A&R guy, and how DEAL MACHINE is "The kegger band for online universities." (HERE are pix of George and MWD recording this podcast.) (Part 2 of 4 of talk with George.)

Simon Clifton (from The Stuns) and Michael W. Dean talk about London, England's music scene, speed-snorting waiters in San Francisco, Mini-DV cameras, taking interns hostage for fun and profit, going to Sundance, drinking beer, film school pros & cons, EU and UK passports vs. Icelandic passports, why girls are nifty, and the ghost of heroin past. ALSO, the song "Accept the Sun" by The Stuns. (Part 1 of 2 of talk with Simon.)

George Earth and Michael W. Dean talk about Echo Park, dealing with cops, living in the backdrop where they shoot the Shield, living portably as a musician, getting ripped off, psychic collaboration, defragging your mental hard drive, living in Los Angeles without owning a car, having shitty jobs (including mopping up at a porno theater) while being on a major label, coffee overdose experiences, and how to pee in a jar. ALSO the song "Boom Boom Pow" by George Earth. (HERE are pix of George and MWD recording this podcast.) (Part 1 of 3 of talk with George.)

Quicktime video file of Simon Clifton acting in the trailer of the unproduced Michael W. Dean film "Starving in the Company of Beautiful Women."

--Debra Jean Dean and Michael W. Dean talk about why xmas sucks, and why a burrito and a blowjob are the ideal date. Then they have milf and cookies! And play an Xmas song with John Bonham on drums.
--MWD and London May talk about London stalking Samhain until he was asked to join the band. He talks about playing in The Foul And The Fragrant, Tiger Army, Dag Nasty, Reptile House, The Hunns, and why punk rock ain't what it used to be. (PART 1 OF 3.)
--MWD and Mike Kelley talk about shooting drugs, breaking & enterings, and redemption. (PART 4 OF 4.)
--MWD and Matthew Wayne Selznick talk about podcasting, three-act structure, what's wrong with Hollywood, and why ego isn't required to make good art. (PART 4 OF 4.)

--Debra Jean Dean and Michael W. Dean talk about why Flipper rocks, and why selling art doesn't necessarily mean selling out, and what's cool about DIY art you can do from a laptop and reach the world from ANYWHERE.
--MWD and Mike Kelley talk about shooting drugs, living in San Francisco vs. Detroit, BDSM, wearing panties while on speed, and why having neighbors sucks. (PART 3 OF 4.)
--MWD and Matthew Wayne Selznick talk about podcasting, Stephen Eley, PME podcasting expo, Albert Einstein, selling art with compassionate commerce, PowerPoint, Acid, Vegas, Sound Forge, iRiver recorders and more.. (PART 3 OF 4.)

-- Debra Jean Dean and Michael W. Dean talk about East Bay Ray from Dead Kennedys, and play a song by MWD that Ray played on.
--MWD and Mike Kelley talk about shooting drugs, taking LSD in Berkeley, King Crimson, the Unibomber, the Chapman Stick, "Shut Up Little Man", (PART 2 OF 4.)
--MWD and Matthew Wayne Selznick talk about podcasting, what's wrong and what's right with America, Mike Watt, Tad, Sub Pop records, the band Bomb, PayPal, eBay, John Abella, and independent art. (PART 2 OF 4.)

-- A good song about suicide called "Golden Gate Bridge" by MWD with his old band "Strychnine Blotter Party." A promo for Casa DeLlama recording studio. A bad dream that MWD had (It's a good story, though.) Honeymoon talk between MWD and DJD, in Phoenix. Why the movie "Titanic" rocks, and why I hate to admit it. "Other people think about me, therefore I am." Also, talk about the band RKL (Rich Kids on LSD.)
--MWD and Mike Kelley talk about gay theater, Midwestern dress styles, a play called "Making Porn", kicking dope at the Folsom Street Fair, having your mom horrified at buying you dope, (PART 1 OF 4.)
--MWD and DJD talk about stupid claims to fame, outsourcing guitar playing to the lowest bidder, and about "I've Been With The Band."

-- A good song called "Mrs. Happiness" by MWD with his old band "Bomb." Some Bomb tour war stories.
--MWD and DJD also talk about Giant Squid microphones, iRiver recorders, file naming conventions, marriage, feedback, Amish high technology, bass roll off, and sex.
--MWD and Matthew Wayne Selznick talk about monetizing podcasts (and why you needn't), NPR, CNN, Stone Phillips, integrity, what's wrong (and what's right) with America, microphone choice, Podcamp West, being of service, LA Confidential, James Elroy, and independent art. (PART 2 OF 4.)
--Michael W. Dean reads part of his novel "The Simple Pleasures of a Complex Girl." (It's about Texas, Anarchy, Texanarchy, Punk Rock, Nick Cave and sex.)

--MWD and Matthew Wayne Selznick talk about DIY art and podcasts, Czech derivations and hedgehogs, and Prague's sex, drugs and rock and roll; growing old and happy in the suburbs, tiny laptops,drum programming, the WTO and IMF and how they have good guitar players, outsourcing pros and cons, working a day job and keeping your edge, Mythbusters, RPGs and DOS, "All your base are belong to us", stupid pet tricks, DSL in rural America, and independent art. (PART 1OF 4.)

-- A cover of Filter's "Hey Man Nice Shot" done by MWD. A song by MWD called "Li'l 25" that he wrote for a friend who died of AIDS. Michael Dean talks about the death of his Daughter, Amelia. And plays a 17-minute Bomb song MWD sings called "If I Were A Gurl."

"I won't hurt you much." MWD talks about Bomb ("To Elvis In Hell", "Lucy In The Sky With Desi", "Hits Of Acid", "Love Fed Hate", "Lovesucker", Happy All The Time"), plays a Bomb song called "All My References Are Dead", MWD talks about why being on a major label wasn't all that great, why Napster rocks, why O'Reilly and Wired Magazine rock, what's wrong with most media corporations, why MP3.com failed, how to sell without selling out. MWD plays a cool cover he did of the Psychedelic Furs song "Flowers", MWD and DJD talk about how outsourcing is going to lead to computers locking people out of their smart houses, why it's hard to be in business post 9/11. MWD plays a song he did in Slish called "My God Is A Woman", MWD and DJD talk about cool stuff....bondage.com, and why we like Bugs Bunny even though we don't like Warner Brothers, in the car, on the iRiver. MWD reads a fan letter from Skip Lunch.

MWD plays a song from his band Slish called "Supergoose." MWD and DJD talk about why people don't eat their young. MWD and DJD make fun of their cats, talk about the "crazy cat spot" and how to find it on your cat, talk about fucking groupies, getting off drugs, growing older without being old, heroin vs. speed, blinding white light spiritual awakenings, being grateful, buying bunny slippers, being a serving wench and loving it, dot coms that died after MWD worked there, needing a body double to break in new clothes, why to vote (or not), why anarchists can't sign contracts, why having a yard sale is a sign of weakness, when eating children might be OK, and why MWD never goes on a vacation that isn't a working vacation. And how the CIA can kill you with a dart that cannot be detected, and how cool Sputnik was.

MWD plays a song called "Hey Louie" that he wrote, "I'm sorry I smell!", MWD and DJD talk about what microphones rock and where to buy them, imagining your boss naked, why podcasting is like being in a hip hop group, how to get paid to write, why we want to live on a mountain in a bunker with a moat, gun turrets and a T-1 Internet line, what it's like to be homeless (from memory), selling your Black Sabbath records for smack, what Fair Use in US copyright law might cover, a sexy Blixa Bargeld story. --Michael W. Dean reads part of his novel "The Simple Pleasures of a Complex Girl."

MWD plays his song "Smelly Piano." MWD and DJD talk about why podcasting reminds me of my childhood desire to speak to the sky, why my hometown sucked (Alcohol Fetal Syndrome), fan letters to girls I fucked, why it should be legal to punch parents with screaming babies on planes, how Portland, Oregon is cool except for the mold, why there should be free Internet access everywhere, why our cats are fucking goofy. --Michael W. Dean reads part of his novel "The Simple Pleasures of a Complex Girl." MWD plays some cool experimental acapella stuff he recorded with his new mixer.

MWD introduces "Clone The Homeless" and explains what the name means. He explains "No Show Notes Needed...." (Which changed with episode 0013). MWD plays his version of "Long Black Veil" with Baby Opaque (With Ian MacKaye singing backup, from 1983), MWD and DJD talk about the movie "American Hardcore", the bands Void, Faith, stagediving, how Skip Lunch invented the 10,000 Maniacs, what it was like getting bottles thrown at you for being a punk rocker in 1982 (with full moons and LSD on Halloween), what "The Church of Punk Rock" is and why it's my true religion, Punk in China, why vasectomies should be mandatory (especially for people who are chronically on welfare), what's up with Ayn Rand. --Michael W. Dean reads part of his novel "The Simple Pleasures of a Complex Girl."

CLONE THE HOMELESS is Michael W. Dean pontificating and extrapolating in concentric hypertextual parentheticals about everything under the sun.
And sometimes the wife, Debra Dean Jean, sits in and is the Robin to Michael's ~~Batman~~ Howard. (Recorded at Casa de Llama Studios.)

"Clone the Homeless is funnier, sexier, more intelligent, and more relevant than any of that meaningless drivetime crap spewed out over the airwaves. And yes, that includes NPR" --Charles Kramer, PhD
"I'm not looking to make money at podcasting. I want to maintain my amateur status so I can compete in the Olympics."--Michael W. Dean

Wicca Kitty RIP (1997-2007)

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